The older I get, the more I realize it takes effort to stay in touch. Connections do fray. I could blame it on available time, or that my to-do list dwarfs my ability to commit to personal contact, letting other things win the fight for my attention. I want both, but I often end up with the latter.
I want to believe that friendships will always be there, as if time would stand still until I could again reach out to those I love and once made memories with. If anything, there are fewer grains of sand left to fall – and it’s been difficult for me to reconcile. Are there more people now borrowing days that I should be sharing with past friends? Yes, and no. Other things seem to get in the way.
Is there ever enough time to tell those you care about how much you really do care about them? Only when they leave do we remember that we should be doing this in the living years. What form of currency repays the love, the relationships, and friendship? I’ve run up some debt lately.
Two of my friends left this summer. One was an uncle, and the other was a peer. One, I sat with until the end, and the other went missing while on a ride. Each paved the path I walk on. And in a heartbeat, these men were plucked from my circle and taken to whatever is next.
When my Louie left, we were together. His last moments were a gift for both of us. With Jack it was different – I wasn’t there, I hadn’t been there in a long time, and then I read he was gone. More threads were frayed by that fact alone. I missed that last chance to connect.
Not all doors are not revolving doors, some serve as the entrance as well as the exit, and sooner or later we all leave for good.
But the ending always comes at last
Endings always come too fast
They come too fast but they pass too slow
I love you and that’s all I know
